A dystopian vampire teenager, severed finger salad topping, disgruntled Teddy bears, and an army of Percivals. What do these all have in common? They are all trapped within the pages of this collection of stories, like a genie waiting to be released from a bottle. Oh, forgot to say, there's a genie in there too, but not one like you're picturing. This one is actually ... well, you'll find out.

So, for those of you who spend your life in a state of perpetual distraction, who want to buy everything in the art supply shop, whose co-workers don't know you write poetry...

no more staring into the mirror wondering how nice it would be to have horns.

It's time to grow a pair.